Tag Archive: change

de futuro

De futuro – regarding the future…

These past few days have been a bit of a whirlwind.  I mentioned in a previous post that I was stuck in limbo.  Well, limbo has finally ended and now I’m a jumble of emotions.  Is it possible to be relieved, excited, thankful, nervous, sad, and happy all at the same time?  For the record, it is totally possible and I’m your living proof.

I’ve been waiting to hear where my next assignment is going to be and now that I have an answer, it means things will be changing rapidly.  These next few days, I’m packing up again and heading back to California, more specifically, the Bay Area.  Today, I was finally able to book a flight and I filled a mountain of paperwork.  I’m relieved because I know where I’m going and I can actually move forward on logistics, like finding a place to live, moving, etc.

It’ll be nice to get started at a new assignment so I can use my skills and make a living.  I miss working with patients!  I am so thankful for this new assignment because it was the location I was hoping for and a setting I have a lot of experience in.  Thank God!  It was really looking bleak for a while and I was getting worried.

I am so excited to explore the Bay.  It’s a really cool place and I think I’m going to meet some amazing people there.  At the same time, I’m sad to leave Chicago because it will always be home.  I love my family.  I love being able to see my friends.  I love waking up to my dog curled up next to me.  I’m sad to leave it all behind again.  It won’t be forever, but I’m really going to miss them. I’ll miss my mom the most.  She’s always the hardest to say bye to.  My mom and I have been binge watching the last season of NCIS.  We’re hoping to finish it before I leave – I think we’re going to finish it because we’re on Disc 5 out of 6!  I’m going to miss spending time together like this.  Not just watching TV together, but all the jokes we share, no matter what we’re doing.  Over the years, we’ve become friends and when we’re apart, I miss her terribly.  I’ve learned to appreciate her so much and it took me almost a lifetime to realize how awesome she is.

Anyway, things are going to be hectic this next week.  It’s possible I’ll be disappearing for the next few days, but I’ll post when I can.  I’ve really been enjoying blogging and getting to know some of you better too!

Thanks for reading and I hope you’re having a good beginning to your week!

future ignotem

Future ignotem…  unknown future.

I’m stuck in limbo and it’s not a good feeling.

Remember how I packed up my car and moved to California for a travel job?  It was a great experience and I don’t regret it at all.  I am, however, dumbfounded that I have managed to finish my assignment and have nowhere new (or acceptable) to work.  I could rant on and on about that, but that’s not the point.  I am currently in limbo and it is so very unnerving.  I started asking myself questions like, “Did I make a mistake doing this travel gig?” and “Should I really stay out in California?”  Then, I start remembering how much this whole experience has helped me get a better perspective on how to be a good friend, daughter, and sister.  It showed me how cool people can be, even if they don’t really know you.  I needed the change in scenery to get out of my comfort zone and complacency in Chicago.  It’s a truly humbling experience to move somewhere where nobody knows you.  You become really thankful when someone cares and you don’t take it for granted.

So, will I give up and move back to Chicago?  Not yet.  I think I still have more to learn out in California.  I don’t know what that will entail, but then again, I don’t even know where I’m going next.  This too, is humbling.  I’ve always had a job since I’ve gotten my degree.  I work in a field that is in high demand.  I used to work at a prestigious rehab hospital.  I am a good worker and I’d like to think that I’m damn good at what I do.  At this moment, I am unemployed and in a way, I suppose it is by choice.  I could have started at a job in the middle of nowhere, but after much internal debate, I turned it down.  Should I have done that?  I think I made the right choice, but it prolongs this period of being in limbo.

People keep telling me that maybe God is trying to teach me something.  They’re probably right.  I don’t know exactly what that is, but I hope it gets through my thick skull.  All I know is, this is a time where I need to see what happens next.  Yes, I feel uncomfortable.  Yes, I’m worried.  I totally doubt myself with regularity these days.  BUT – all I can do is be diligent with what I can and trust that the right doors will open.

I don’t like feeling all this discomfort, but I think of these lyrics by Fiona Apple.  They resonate with me, especially the part that says, “I’m good at being uncomfortable so I can’t stop changing all the time.”  This unnerving, humbling time in my life will hopefully change me for the better.

Here are the rest of the lyrics for your reading pleasure…

Extraordinary Machine – Fiona Apple

I certainly haven’t been shopping for any new shoes and I certainly haven’t been spreading myself around.  I still only travel by foot and by foot it’s a slow climb, but I’m good at being uncomfortable so I can’t stop changing all the time.  I notice that my opponent is always on the go and won’t go slow so’s not to focus and I notice, he’ll hitch a ride with any guide as long as they go fast from whence he came, but he’s no good at being uncomfortable so he can’t stop staying exactly the same.  If there was a better way to go then it would find me.  I can’t help it, the road just rolls out behind me.  Be kind to me or treat me mean.  I’ll make the most of it, I’m an extraordinary machine.  I seem to you to seek a new disaster every day.  You deem me due to clean my view and be at peace and lay.  I mean to prove, I mean to move in my own way and say I’ve been getting along for long before you came into the play.  I am the baby of the family it happens, so, everybody cares and wears the sheeps’ clothes while they chaperone.  Curious, you looking down your nose at me while you appease, courteous to try and help, but let me set your mind at ease.  If there was a better way to go then it would find me.  I can’t help it, the road just rolls out behind me.  Be kind to me or treat me mean.  I’ll make the most of it, I’m an extraordinary machine.